-------------------------------------------------------------------------
BLUES BROTHERS QUOTE LIST 6.3
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Note: originally compiled by klaassen@ifr.ing.tu-bs.de
Note: big thanks to jkayloe@afit.af.mil, mjm@interaccess.com, and
mja@cs.nott.ac.uk
Note: send additions or corrections to me (legeros@unx.sas.com).
If you sent back an edited list, please mark your corrections.
BLUES BROTHERS QUOTE LIST
==========================
Jake getting out of prison
==========================
OFFICER1: Well, this is it.
[Officers bring Jake into building.]
OFFICER1: 7474505B
FRANK OZ: What wing?
OFFICER1: Maximum wing. Block 9.
FRANK OZ: Standard Release?
OFFICER1: Parole. Three out of five. Good behavior.
FRANK OZ: Gimme a minute.
[Oz leaves and returns]
FRANK OZ: One Timex digital watch. Broken.
One unused prophylactic. One soiled.
[Elwood approaches prison.]
FRANK OZ: One black suit jacket.
One pair black suit pants.
One hat. [punches] Black.
One pair sunglasses.
23 dollars and 7 cents.
Sign here.
[Jake leans and marks an X.]
[Song: She Caught the Katy]
====================
Elwood picks up Jake
====================
JAKE: What's this?
ELWOOD: What?
JAKE: This car. This STUPID car. Where's the Cadillac?
[Throws lighter out window.] The Caddy? Where's the
Caddy?
ELWOOD: The what?
JAKE: The Cadillac we used to have. The Bluesmobile.
ELWOOD: I traded it.
JAKE: You traded the Bluesmobile for this?
ELWOOD: No, for a microphone.
JAKE: A Microphone? Okay, I can see that. But what the hell is
this?
ELWOOD: This was a bargain. I picked it up at the Mount Prospect
city police auction last spring. It's an old Mount
Prospect police car! They were practically givin' 'em
away. [Mt Prospect is a NW suburb of Chicago.]
JAKE: Well, thank YOU pal! The day I get out of prison, my own
brother picks me up in a police car.
[Fog horn]
ELWOOD: You don't like it?
JAKE: No, I don't like it.
[Elwood jumps the drawbridge.]
JAKE: This car's got a lot of pickup.
ELWOOD: It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant. It's got
cop tires. Cop suspension. Cop shocks. It's a model
made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on
regular gas. Whaddaya say? Is it the new Bluesmobile or
what?
[Jake lights cigarette and throws the lighter out the window.]
JAKE: Fix the cigarette lighter.
====================
Visiting the Penguin
====================
JAKE: What are we doing here?
ELWOOD: You promised you'd visit the Penguin the day you got out.
JAKE: Yeah? So I lied to her.
ELWOOD: You can't lie to a nun. We gotta go in and visit the
Penguin.
JAKE: [Very slow and deliberate] NO FUCKING WAY!
[Jake and Elwood go upstairs]
[Elwood's about to knock.]
PENGUIN: Who is it?
ELWOOD: Jake and Elwood.
PENGUIN: Come in!
Hello boys. Nice to see you. Please, have a seat.
No, no, boys. Come over here in front of me. I want to
see your faces.
PENGUIN: The county took a tax assesment of this property last
month. They want 5000 dollars.
ELWOOD: Doesn't the church have to pay that?
PENGUIN: They would, if they were interested in keeping the place,
but they aren't. The archbishop wants to sell this
building outright to the board of education.
ELWOOD: What's gonna happen to you?
PENGUIN: I'll be sent to the missions.
JAKE: Forget it. Five grand? No problem. We'll have it for
you in the morning. Let's go, Elwood
PENGUIN: No! No! I will NOT take your filthy, stolen money.
JAKE: Well, then, I guess you're really up shit creek.
[Penguin hits Jake with a wooden ruler]
JAKE: Yoww!
PENGUIN: I beg your pardon. What did you say?
JAKE: I offered to help you.
PENGUIN: Um hm.
JAKE: You refused to take our money.
PENGUIN: Um hm.
JAKE: Then I said, 'I guess you're really up shit creek.'
[Penguin hits Jake with a wooden ruler.]
JAKE: ARRGH
ELWOOD: Christ, Jake, take it easy, man.
[Penguin hits both with a wooden ruler.]
JAKE: Elwood!
Ow!
Christ!
Shit!
Arugh!
Aaaa!
Jesus Crist!
Arrggh.
Son of a Bitch!
Arrggh.
Jesus H. Christ.
Ahhh.
Shit.
ELWOOD: Oh, you fat penguin!
JAKE: Fuck this noise, man!
[At bottom of stairs]
PENGUIN: You're such a disappointing pair. I prayed so hard for
you. It saddens and hurts me that the two young men whom
I raised to believe in The Ten Commandments have returned
to me as two thieves with filthy mouths and bad attitudes.
Get out! And don't come back until you've redeemed
yourselves!
CURTIS: Boys, you gotta learn not to talk to nuns that way.
Jake! Elwood!
J&E: Curtis!!
JAKE: You're lookin' fine man. Good to see you man.
CURTIS: Hey, buy you boys a drink?
===========
With Curtis
===========
CURTIS: Boys.. things are bad.. they're gonna sell this place to
the Board of Education, and I'll be out on the street.
That money's gotta be in the Cook County Assessor's office
withing 11 days.
JAKE: They wouldn't turn you out, would they?
CURTIS: Shiiiit. What's one more ol' nigger to the Board of
Education?
ELWOOD: Curtis, you and the penguin are the only family we got.
You're the only one that was ever good to us. Singin'
Elmore James tunes, and blowin' the harp for us down here.
CURTIS: Well, the sister was right; you boys could use a little
churchin' up. Slide on over to the Triple Rock and catch
Reverend Cleophus. You boys listen to what he's got to say.
JAKE: Curtis, [Jake swigs and puts glass down] I don't wanna
listen to no Jive-ass preacher talkin' to me about heaven
an' hell.
CURTIS: Jake, You get wise, you get to church.
===============
Going to Church
===============
BLACK MAN: And now... This weeks sermon is from our Beloved Reverend
Cleophus James!
REV. BROWN: And now people. And now people.
When I woke up this morning I heard a disturbing sound.
I said, when I woke up this mornin' I heard a disturbing
sound!
What I heard was a jingle-jangle of a thousand lost souls!
I'm talkin' about the souls of mortal men and women, that
departed from this life.
Wait a minute!
Though the lord take the souls, without them seein' 'em on
the earth, seekin' the fine light! They will not find!
Because it is too late!! Too late!! Yeah! Too late to
find the light, they chose not to follow!
Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Don't be lost when the time comes!
Dont be lost when the time comes!
For the day of the lord cometh, as a theif in the night!
AMEN! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Well Well Well!!
[song: "The Old Landmark"]
ELWOOD: Jake! Are you allright?
JAKE: The band... The band...
REV. BROWN: Do you SEE the LIGHT?!?
JAKE: The band!
REV. BROWN: Do you SEE the LIGHT???
ELWOOD: What light?
BROWN: Have you SEEN the LIGHT?
JAKE: YES! YES! Jesus H. Tap Dancin' Christ! I have seen the
light!
JAKE: The Band Elwood! The Band!
ELWOOD: The band. The band. The Band? The band!
REV: Praise God!
ELWOOD: And God Bless the United States of America!
======
SCMODS
======
[The song "Soothe Me," from "The Best of Sam & Dave," is playing
right before this dialogue. And it's on 8-track!]
JAKE: Put the band backtogether. We'll do a few gigs.
We get some bread. Bang! 5000 bucks.
ELWOOD: Well, puttin' the band back together might not be that
easy, Jake.
JAKE: What are you talking about?
ELWOOD: They split. They all took straight jobs.
JAKE: Yeah? So you know where they are. You said you were, uh,
keepin' in touch with 'em.
ELWOOD: I got a couple a leads. A few phone numbers. But, I
mean, how many of them visited or even wrote you, huh?
JAKE: They're not the kinda guys who write letters. You were
outside. I was inside. You were supposed to keep in
touch with the band. I kept ASKING you if we were gonna
play again.
ELWOOD: Well, what was I gonna do? Take away your only
hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in
there? I took the liberty of bullshitting ya. OK?
JAKE: You lied to me.
ELWOOD: It wasn't lies. It was just bullshit.
[They cross intersection]
ELWOOD: Shit!
JAKE: What?
ELWOOD: Rollers.
JAKE: No.
ELWOOD: Yeah.
JAKE: Shit.
[cop approaches]
ELWOOD: What? What did I do?
COP: You failed to stop at a red signal.
ELWOOD: The light was yellow, sir.
COP: May I see your license please?
[cop leaves]
[Stereo switches to "Hold On, I'm Coming"]
JAKE: God dammit!
ELWOOD: Man, I haven't been pulled over in six months. I bet
those cops have got SCMODS.
JAKE: SCMODS?
ELWOOD: State. County. Municipal. Offender. Data. System.
[Elwood's name lights up the SCMODS screen with...]
BLUES, ELWOOD
ILLINOIS LICENSE : B263-1655-2187
CURRENTLY UNDER SUSPENSION
WARRANTS OUTSTANDING : PARKG. 116
MOVING VIOLATIONS : 56
ARREST DRIVER ... IMPOUND VEHICLE
[In Illinois, the last five digits on your driver's license
include your birthday (and gender) in an encoded format.
According to Elwood Blues' driver's license number, he was born
on July 1, 1952.]
COP: Elwood, we show your license currently under suspension.
Step out of the car please.
[Spin out. Police chase.]
JAKE: First you trade the Cadillac for a microphone. Then you
lie to me about the band. Now you're gonna put me right
back in the joint.
ELWOOD: They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God.
JAKE: [with car spinning] Elwooood!
COP: We are in high speed pursuit Northbound Courtland Avenue.
1974 Black and White Dodge Sedan with Illinois Plates.
Request assistance.
[Cops radio for assistance. Elwood enters parking lot.]
ELWOOD: We'd be alright if we could just get back on the
expresswaY.
JAKE: Don't look like no expressway to me!
ELWOOD: Don't yell at me.
JAKE: What the hell you want me to do, Motorhead?
ELWOOD: Well, try not to be so negative all the time. Why don't
you offer a little constructive criticism?
JAKE: You got us into this parking lot, pal.
So you get us out.
ELWOOD: You want out of this parking lot? OK.
[Music turns to "I Can't Turn You Loose"]
[Chase scene INTO the mall]
LADY: Will there be anything else?
MAN: Yes, do you have a 'Miss Piggy?'
[car crashes into store]
JAKE: _________ and burgers.
ELWOOD: Yeah. Lots of space in this mall.
JAKE: Disco pants and haircuts.
ELWOOD: Yeah...
ELWOOD: Baby clothes.
JAKE: This place has got everything.
ELWOOD: New Oldsmobiles are in early this year.
ELWOOD: Pier 1 Imports.
[Jake and Elwood leave mall]
SPINNING COP: They broke my watch!
OTHER COP: I'm gonna catch that sucker. If it's the last thing I ever
do.
===========
Cheeze Whiz
===========
[song is "Peter Gunn Theme"]
ELWOOD: Nice place, huh?
[Carrie launches rocket.]
[They recover and walk into hotel and up stairs.]
ELWOOD: Hey Sam.
[They finish stairs and enter lobby.]
ELWOOD: Hey Louie. Anybody call for me on the phone?
LOUIE: [Frog voiced] No. No calls. Some guy left this card.
Cop. Said he'd be back.
ELWOOD: This here's my brother Jake. Just got outta the joint.
He's gonna be stayin' with me for a few weeks.
LOUIE: Daah, OK.
MAN: Did ya get me my Cheeze Whiz, boy?
[Elwood throws Cheeze Whiz]
==========
Hotel room
==========
ELWOOD: Well, it ain't much, but it's home.
JAKE: How often does the train go by?
ELWOOD: So often you won't even notice it.
JAKE: How are you gonna get the band back together, Mr.
Hotrodder? The cops got your name, your address.
ELWOOD: Nah.. they don't got my address! I falsified my renewal.
I put down 1060 West Addison.
JAKE: 1060 West Addison. That's Wrigley Field.
ELWOOD: I gotta hit the sack. Hey you sleeze, my bed.
[Next morning at hotel]
JOHN CANDY: This, gentlemen, is the eloquent abode of one Elwood
Blues.
COP: Thanks for your help Mr. Mercer.
JOHN CANDY: Ya know, I kinda liked the Wrigley Field bit.
COP: Yeah, real cute.
JOHN CANDY: Stand back.
[Building explodes as cops kick-in door. Jake and Elwood emerge
from brick pile.]
ELWOOD: It's almost nine o'clock. We gotta go to work.
==============
"Mrs. Toronto"
==============
JAKE: Mrs. Toronto?
LADY: Torentino.
ELWOOD: Ma'm, do you have a Thomas Malone or a Louis Marini living
here?
LADY: Not any more. They moved out a long time ago. I don't
take in boarders. Not for a long time.
ELWOOD: May we come in ma'am?
LADY: Please.
[They all go in to her living room.]
ELWOOD: Did they leave a forwarding address? A phone number?
LADY: No.
ELWOOD: Did they live quietly? What were their personal habits?
LADY: They were good boys. But they made a lot of racket at
night.
Are you the police?
ELWOOD: No, Ma'am. We're Musicians.
[outside]
LADY: Mr. Man! Mr. Man! Mr. Man!
JAKE: Yes, ma'am.
LADY: They left this card. Maybe it'd help you.
==============================
Armada Room of the Holiday Inn
==============================
MURPH: Thank you. You're marvelous. You're marvelous. Thank
you. I'm Murph and these are The Magictones. Steve
"The Colonel" Cropper, Donald "Duck" Dunn, Willie "Too
Big" Hall and Tom "Bones" Malone. We'll be back with The
Magictones for the Armada Room's two hour Disco Swing
Party after this short break. 'Til then, don't you go
changin'.
WILLIE HALL: So, Jake. You're out. You're free. You're
rehabilitated. What's next? What's happening? Whacha
gonna do? YOU GOT THE MONEY YOU OWE US, MOTHER FUCKER?
ELWOOD: Look, let's just get something straight here. The reason
he got locked in the slammer the first place, was for
stickin' up a gas station to cover you guys.
DONALD: You're kiddin'
ELWOOD: He pulled that job to pay for the room service tab from
that Kiwanis Gig in Coal City.
BAND MEMBER: You did?
JAKE: That's right. So I don't wanna hear anymore of this
small change shit.
ELWOOD: We're putting the band back together.
[Murph gulps]
JAKE: You were the backbone--the nerve center of a great rhythm
and blues band. You you can make that live, breathe and
jump again. Murph and the Magic Tones? Look at you in
those candy-ass monkey suits. And I thought I had it bad
in Joliet.
WILLIE: At least we got a change in clothes, sucker. You still
wearin' the same shit you had on three years ago.
DUCK: Jake ain't lyin' though.. We had a band powr'ful enough to
turn goat piss into gasoline.
TOM: But we'll never get that fat sound again; not without
some more horns. We'll never get Mr Fabulous.
JAKE: Where is he?
MURPH: Forget it, Mr Fabulous is the top Maitre D' at the Chez
Paul. He's pullin' down 6 bills a week.
STEVE: Yeah, Matt Murphy up and got himself married.
ELWOOD: Where is Matt Guitar Murphy?
TOM: He opened up a soul food restaurant with his ol' lady
on Maxwell Street, and he took Blue Lou with him.
WILLIE HALL: You'll never get Matt and Mr Fabulous out of them
high payin' gigs.
JAKE: Oh yeah? Well--me and the Lord--we got an understanding.
ELWOOD: We're on a mission from God.
============
Beauty Salon
============
[A neon sign in the front window proclaims it as
"Curl Up and Dye" salon]
=========
Chez Paul
=========
[Mr. Fabulous is on the phone]
MR FAB: Mainly French Cuisine. No Sir, Mayor Daley no longer dines
here. He's dead sir. Private dining rooms are available.
[Sees Jake]
Oh no, I thought it was supposed to be five years. Didn't
you get five years?
Uh, no sir, not you, and your name sir? Rizzolo for eight
at 11:30. Thank you.
JAKE: Mr Fabulous, how marvelous it is to see you. You're
looking younger than ever.
MR FAB: Wait, you guys can't come in here.
JAKE: Nonsense my dear fellow. My brother and I have come to
dine, to celebrate my early release from the service of
the state.
MR FAB: Wait, let's talk outside, let's have a cup of coffee
outside.
JAKE: Why heavens no! We seek a full meal and all the
compliments of the house. Come Elwood, let us adjourn
ourselves to the nearest table and overlook this
establishments board-er-fair ****
[phone rings]
MR FAB: Good evening Chez Paul. Wait, Hey! Uh, sir do you mind
calling back in about five minutes please
[Jake and Elwood seat themselves at a table]
MR FAB [to couple]:
I'm sure we'll have a table for you in just a few moments.
[Jake whistles for service]
MR FAB [to couple]:
Excuse me won't you.
JAKE [to Paul Rubens]:
Give us a bottle of your finest champagne, five shrimp
cocktails and some bread for my brother.
WAITER: We have a Dom Perignon.
JAKE: That'll be fine, pal.
MR FAB: Come on, seriously you guys, the food here is really
expensive. The soup is fucking ten dollars. Come on,
let's go outside, I'll buy you a cup of coffee.
JAKE: We're putting the band back together.
MR FAB: Forget it. No way.
ELWOOD: We're on a mission from God.
[Waiters bring them food]
MR FAB: Hold it, hold it, what's this?
MAN: Waiter, sir, please, waiter.
MR FAB: Yes sir, how are your salads?
MAN: The salads are fine. It's just that, we'd uh, we'd like to
move to another table, away from those two gentlemen.
MR FAB: Why, have they been disturbing you?
MAN: No. It's just that, well frankly, they're offensive,
smelling. I mean they smell BAD!
[man at entrance beckons Mr Fab]
MR FAB: Excuse sir, I'll see if I can locate another table for
you.
MAN: Thank you
[champagne poured]
WAITER: Wrong glass, sir !
[slurp drink, Elwood throws shrimp into Jake's mouth]
[Elwood waves to man before Jake goes to adjacent table]
JAKE: How much for the little girl. The women, how much for the
women?
MAN: What?
JAKE: Your women, I want to buy your women, the little girl,
your daughters. Sell them to me, sell me your children!
MAN: Maitre d', maitre d'
[couple at entrance leave as Mr Fab goes to man]
MR FAB: Cut it out, cut it out. The owners are going to ask me to
call the cops.
JAKE: You wouldn't do that to me would you, man?
ELWOOD: He just got out of Joliet. He's on parole. You can't call
the cops on him, man.
JAKE: We're putting the band back together.
MR FAB: I said no, absolutely not!
JAKE [to man at table]:
Yo! How much for your wife? Hahahahaha
JAKE [to Mr Fab]:
We're putting the band back together. We need you man. We
need your horn.
MR FAB: I can't, I really can't.
ELWOOD: We've got everybody except Matt Guitar Murphy and Blue Lou
and we're getting them next.
MR FAB: No way!
JAKE: If you say no, Elwood and I will come here for breakfast,
lunch and dinner everyday of the week.
MR FAB: Ok, ok, I'll play, you got me
[Jake and Elwood leave. Mr Fab sits down]
Man: Sir, sir, sir! Sir! SIR!
==========
Nazi rally
==========
NAZI: White men, white women, the swastika is calling you. The
Jew is using the black as muscle against you, and you are
left there helpless. Well, What are you gonna do about it
whitey? Just sit there? Of course not. You are going to
join with us--the American Socialist White-People's Party.
An organization of decent, law-abiding, white folk, just
like you.
ALL NAZIS: I pledge to Adolf Hitler, the immortal leader of our
race. And to the order for which he stands. One great
cause, sacred and invincible.
PUBLIC: Why don't you go back where you came from! Nazi bastards!
Go to hell!
[cop walks past]
JAKE: Hey what's going on?
COP: Ah those bums won there court case so they're marching
today.
JAKE: What bums?
COP: The Fucking Nazi Party!
ELWOOD: Umph, Illinois Nazis! Umph.
JAKE: I hate Illinois Nazis.
[Elwood runs Nazis off bridge, crowd cheers]
NAZI: Perpet? Fuehrer! Perpet Fuehrer get that car's license
plate number, we're gonna kill that son of a bitch!
======================
Street dance and diner
======================
[John Lee Hooker playing.]
ARETHA: Can I help you boys?
ELWOOD: You got any white bread?
ARETHA: Yes.
ELWOOD: I'll have some toasted white bread please.
ARETHA: You want butta or jam on that toast, honey?
ELWOOD: No ma'am, dry.
JAKE: Got any fried chicken?
ARETHA: Best damn chicken in the state!
JAKE: Bring me four fried chickens and a coke.
ARETHA: You want chicken wings or chicken legs?
JAKE: Four fried chickens and a coke.
ELWOOD: and some dry white toast please
ARETHA: Y'all want anything to drink with that?
ELWOOD: No, ma'am
JAKE: a coke
ARETHA: Be up in a minute.
[goes in back]
ARETHA: We got two honkeys out there dressed like Chasidic diamond
merchants
MATT: Say what?!?
ARETHA: They look like they from the CIA or something
MATT: What they want to eat?
ARETHA: The tall one wants [pause] white bread toast, dry, with
nothing on it
MATT: Elwood!
ARETHA: And the other one wants four whole fried chickens and a
coke.
MATT: and Jake, SHIT, the Blues Brothers!
[leaving the kitchen]
MATT: Hi Jake!
JAKE: Matt!
MATT: Hi Elwood!
JAKE: How ya doin'?
MATT: How are you doing? How was Joliet?
JAKE: Oh, bad. On Thursday night they serve a wicked pepper
steak.
MATT: It can't be as bad as the cabbage rolls at the Terre Haute
Federal Pen.
ELWOOD: Or that oatmeal at the Cook County slammer.
MATT: Oh, they're all pretty bad.
JAKE: Matt, me and Elwood--we're putting the band back together.
We need you and Blue Lou.
MATT: [whispering] Man, don't talk that way around here. My old
lady. She'll kill me.
ELWOOD: Ma'am, you gotta understand that this is a lot bigger than
any domestic problems you might be experiencing.
ARETHA: Matt, what the hell is he talkin' 'bout?
MATT: Don't get riled, sugar.
ARETHA: Don't you "Don't get riled, sugar" me! Now you not going
back on the road no more. And you ain't playing in them
old two bit sleazy dives. You're livin' with me now. And
you're not gonna go slidin' around wit' your old white
hoodlum friends.
MATT: But Babes, this is Jake and Elwood. The Blues Brothers.
ARETHA: The Blues Brothers!? Shiiiit. They still owe you money,
fool.
JAKE: Ma'am, would it make you feel any better if you knew what
we were asking Matt here to do is a holy thing?
ELWOOD: You see, we're on a mission from God.
ARETHA: Don't you blaspheme in here! Don't you blaspheme in here!
Now this is my man. This is my restaurant. You two are
gonna just walk right out that door, without your dry
white toast, without your four fried chickens, and without
Matt "Guitar" Murphy.
MATT: No, you listen to me. I love you, but I'm the man,
and you're the woman. I'll make the decisions
concerning my life.
ARETHA: You better think about what you're sayin'! You better
think about the consequences of your actions!
MATT: Oh shut up woman!
[Song: "Think"]
MATT: Let's boogie.
[Aretha turns to Blue Lou]
ARETHA: Well go ahead dammit!
[Pause]
ARETHA: SHIT!
====================
Ray's Music Exchange
====================
RAY: Pardon me.. But we do have a strict policy about the
handlin' of the instruments. An employee of Ray's Music
Exchange must be present. Now, may I help you?
JAKE: Ray. It's me Joliet Jake. I once rented some column
speakers from you. For my band. The Blues Brothers.
MURPH: Hey Ray. It's Murph, of Murph and the Magictones.
Remember me? I bought three fender amps.
RAY: Ohh, we sell alot of amplifiers.
MURPH: Oh, not like these, they were beautiful-- upholstered in
thick red shag.
RAY: Oh right, right. I remember now. As a matter of fact,
I'll buy them all back for $350 a piece
MURPH: $350?! I paid $800 each, not six months ago.
RAY: Well, you know depreciation man.
JAKE: Ray, we're here to buy stuff. We need pianos, amps,
mic's, yah know. The works.
[Ray shoots in the direction of a young shoplifter]
RAY: Now go on! GIT!
Breaks my heart, a boy that young goin' bad.
MURPH: Tell me a little about this electric piano, Ray.
RAY: Ah. You have a good eye, my man. That's the best in the
city of Chicago.
JAKE: How much?
RAY: Two thousand bucks and it's yours. You can take it home
with ya. Matter of fact, I'll throw in the black keys for
free.
JAKE: Two thousand dollars for this chunk of shit? Come on,
Ray!!
RAY: [Says something about the keys being okay, to the effect
of "I don't think there's anything wrong with this
keyboard!"]
[Song: Shake Your Tailfeather]
JAKE: OK, MAN. WE'LL TAKES THESE AXES.
RAY: Naturally, as usual, I gotta take an IOU.
==================
Outside restaurant
==================
JAKE: You guys go inside. Get yourselves a bite. I've gotta
make a phone call.
MR FAB: Uh, Jake. Does this phone call concern our first gig?
JAKE: Have I ever lied to you?
[Rest of band goes inside.]
ELWOOD: What are we goon do, man? We don't got no gig.
JAKE: How much money you got?
ELWOOD: I got a quarter.
JAKE: That's enough for a phone call. Come on.
[They cram into phone booth.]
JAKE: What are you doing, Elwood?
ELWOOD: You said we were gonna make a call.
JAKE: I said I was gonna make a call.
ELWOOD: Who ya gonna call, Jake?
JAKE: Remember Morrie Sline?
ELWOOD: Sline. Booking Agent? What about 'im?
JAKE: Well, he got us some good showcases in the old days.
He got us the Morgan Park. Got us Tick Tock. I got
him laid. He owes me.
ELWOOD: Give it a shot.
[Carrie flame throws the phone booth.]
ELWOOD: Hey Jake! Gotta be at least seven dollars worth of
change here!
=======
Nazi HQ
=======
[Knock on door]
HEAD NAZI: Yeah?
[Aid approaches desk.]
NAZI AID: Sir.
HEAD NAZI: Whadya find out?
NAZI AID: OK. I called a friend at the Motor Vehicle
Department. That license plate is like a rash
all over the computer. The car belongs to a
known traffic menace.
HEAD NAZI: What's his name?
NAZI AID: His name is Elwood Blues. He's got a record a
mile long. And he's a Cath-o-lic.
HEAD NAZI: Did you get his address?
NAZI AID: Of course. 1060 West Addison.
HEAD NAZI: Let's go!
=====================
Outside Wrigley Field
=====================
[Sign reads: Home of the Chicago Cubs.
Save Lives Drive Safely Prevent Fires]
HEAD NAZI: Anyone with that kind of record is going to make a
mistake. I want all party members in the Tri-State
district to monitor the city, county, and state police on
their CBs. Mr Blues is gonna fuck up. And when he does,
he'd better hope the police get to him before we do.
====================
Bob's Country Bunker
====================
[Boogie Chillun on the car stereo]
MR FAB: All right, man. We been in this car for three hours
now. Where the hell is this place?
JAKE: I told ya it'd take a little while to get there.
MURPH: What's the name of the place?
JAKE: Uh, the name of the place... is, ahh... Bob's Country
Bunker. Here we are.
ELWOOD: Bob's Country Bunker?
FAB: Jake, the sign says Tonight Only The Good Ole Boys.
JAKE: Blues Brothers! It should read, "Tonight Only The
Blues Brothers' Triumphant Return" Must be some
kinda mistake. You guys unload the stuff.
Elwood, come with me.
[Jake and Elwood go inside. Your Cheatin' Heart is playing.]
CLAIRE: Well now, what can I get you boys? Are ya thirsty, hungry,
or ya just drivin' through? Maybe you'd like a beer, or
somethin' a little harder? Hey, you know we happen to make
the state's best peppersteak.
JAKE: No thank you, ma'am. We may be sucking back a few beers
a little later on. We'll be here all night. You see,
we're the band.
CLAIRE: You are? Oh gee that's nice. Hey Bob! This is the band.
BOB: All right!
ELWOOD: Uh, what kind of music do you usually have here?
CLAIRE: Oh, we got both kinds. We got Country _and_ Western.
ELWOOD: Jake, are you sure this is the place?
JAKE: Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. This is the place.
BOB: Hi! You the Good Ole Boys?
JAKE: That's us! [Elwood gulps.] The rest of the band's out
in the parking lot getting our stuff together.
BOB: Well, I'm sure glad to have you boys here. I'm Bob
and this here is my place.
JAKE: Well, it's a b'yootiful place Bob.
BOB: I guess you boys wanna get your steel guitars and
everything set up on the stage, don't ya? Claire,
get on over dere an' turn those stage lights on and
get these boys going up there.
LOU: Chicken wire?
[Later]
ELWOOD: Man, I don't think we know any of the songs on this list.
JAKE: Uh, this list doesn't mean anything. They're just
requests. Play our regular set! First tune--"Gimme
Some Lovin'."
["Gimme Some Lovin'"]
ELWOOD: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. We're sure glad to
be here in Kokomo tonight. We're the Good Ole Blues
Brothers Boys Band from Chicago. We sure hope you like
our show. I'm Elwood. This here's my brother Jake.
CROWD: Jesu. Shit. What're those damn freak pecker heads
playin'?
BOB: That ain't no Hank Williams song!
CROWD: Get off the stage!
[Bob shuts off lights.]
MURPH: Hey! Why'd they shut off the lights?
WILLIE: Maybe they blew a fuse.
LOU: I don't think so, man. Those lights are off on purpose.
ELWOOD: OK. We gotts figure out something these people like and
fast.
MURPH: Hey, I've got it. Remember the theme from _Rawhide_?
ELWOOD: The old favorite. Rowdy Yayes.
MURPH: What key?
DUCK: A. Good country key.
ELWOOD: "Rawhide" in A.
["Rawhide"]
ELWOOD: Theme from the TV show _Rawhide_. [Bottle crashes.]
Thank you.
JAKE: Now we'd like to do a favorite of the horn section.
We hope it's one of yours.
["Stand By Your Man"]
JAKE: Well folks it's time to call it a night-
Do what you feel and keep both feet on the wheel.
You don't have to go home but you can't stay here.
So 'till next time.
["Rawhide" reprise]
JAKE: Let's get the hell outta here.
BOB: Shit, I'm gonna tell you boys, that's some of the best
god damned music we had at The Country Bunker in a long
time.
ELWOOD: Well, ah, sorry we, ah, couldn't remember "The Wreck of
the Old 97."
BOB: Oh, well hell. You guys can learn it next time when you
come back.
JAKE: Bob, about, ah, our money for tonight.
BOB: That's right. Ahh... Two hundred dollars and you boys
drank three hundred dollars worth of beer.
ELWOOD: Ahh, well, ah, like when we first came in, ahh, the bar
lady never charged us for the first round, so like we
figured, you know, beer was like complimentary for the
band, you know.
BOB: Nah-unh. No. Ah, Unh-Unh.
JAKE: Well I'll just go out and take a collection from the boys.
BOB: Well I tell ya, I sure would appreciate it.
[Outside Bob's Country Bunker]
JAKE: Listen. They want us to pay for the beer we drank
so you boys better split. The next gig is gonna be
dynamite. Huge. You'll see.
WILLIE: I say this trip is nowhere, man. I say we gotta quit.
MURPH: What? Quit? Well I wish you guys'd make up your mind.
Otherwise I gotta call Mr Ronzini at the Holiday Inn and
get our old gig back.
STEVE: Back at the Armada Room?
WILLIE: I say we give the Blues Brothers just one more chance.
DUCK: Why not? If the shit fits, wear it! Scoot over,
goddammit.
ELWOOD: Boys look a little upset. Hey man, don't worry. We gotta
coupla days. We'll get the Penguin's tax money. I mean,
look. We got an appointment to see Mr Sline tommorrow.
Everything's gonna be alright. Let's skate.
[Good Ole Boys arrive.]
JAKE: Excuse me, gentlemen. Are you the Good Ole Boys?
MCELROY: That's right. I'm Tucker McElroy, lead singer, driver
of the Winnebago. Listen, I'd like to talk to you son
but we're running very late.
JAKE: My name is Jacob Stein, New York Federation of Musicians
Union, local two-hundred. I've been sent here to see if
you gentlemen are carrying your permits.
MCELROY: Our what?
JAKE: Your union cards. May I see your cards please?
MCELROY: Suppose we ain't got no unions cards, an we go on in
there an' start playin' anyway. Now whatcha goon do
about that? You gonna stop us? Stein? You gonna look
pretty funny tryin' to eat corn on the cob with no
fucking teeth!
JAKE: Listen, let me talk to Bob, the owner, see if we can
put your band on contract wavers for tonight. I don't
want you to move from this spot. Just let me handle
this.
ELWOOD: We'll uh.. We'll tahk to Bahb.
[The Good Old Boys' RV was a Southwind, 25ft, 1978 or 1979.]
JAKE: Get in the car, and start 'er up.
BOB: Now, you know you boys owe me a lotta money for that
beer you drank tonight, goddammit.
JAKE: Bob, we loved playin' here tonight. My brother's
writing out an American Express Traveller's Check to
cover the extensive bar tab.
BOB: Well, I sure would appreciate it.
JAKE: I better checkup, see how he's doing. See, I haveta
sign it too. I usually sit in the car, and write it
out on the, ah, glove compartment lid. OK? Need a
pencil, huh huh.
[Jake gets in the Bluesmobile and they spin out.]
MCELROY: Were them guys from the Union?
BOB: Union? What the hell Union? Those boys skipped outta
here oeing me a lotta money for beer. What the hell
are you guys all dressed up for?
MCELROY: We're the Good Ole Boys!
BOB: You're the Gool Ole Boys?
======================
See You Next Wednesday
======================
ELWOOD: Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail me now!
[Billboard says, "See you next Wednesday"]
MOUNT: I don't believe it. It's that shit box Dodge again.
DANIEL: Bastards are ours now.
[Cops and RV crash.]
BOB: Holy shit!
MOUNT: Boys, you in big trouble.
==========
Sauna bath
==========
[incomplete]
We need 5,000 bucks fast.
Never heard of it.
MAURY: Nice place up north.
ELWD: I know about this stuff. I've been exploited all my life.
JAKE: Say how's Mrs Sleine? I might have some information she'd
like to know.
SLEINE: You blackmailing me Jake?
JAKE: If you wanna put it that way - Maury we need this gig!
ELWD: We're on a mission from God.
===========
Advertising
===========
[incomplete]
CAB: We're going up North to put the word in the street.
ELWOOD: And it's ladies night [pause] tonight at the Palace Hotel
Ballroom!
You two girls, you on the motorcycle, and it's ladies
night.
Free parking ,two dollar cover charge only folks.
===========
Gas Station
===========
GAS MAN: We're outta gas.
JAKE: Yeup, mind if we fill'er up?
GAS MAN: Nope, we're outta gas. The tanker truck's late. Shoulda
been here hours ago.
ELWOOD: Want I should wipe the dead bugs off the windshield?
============
Palace Hotel
============
BAND: Where are they?
==============
Police station
==============
JOHN CANDY: Thanks Marvin.
Debbie, get me troopers Davel and Mont.
=====
Hotel
=====
I don't see...
===========
Gas station
===========
ELWOOD: OK, you're all set. That'll be ah, 94 dollars.
TWIGGY: Here's 95.
ELWOOD: Here's a dollar change.
ELWOOD: So, listen. If your date tonight don't work out for any
reason, there's a motel up there on the interstate. Maybe
we could say, meet? Around, midnight?
TWIGGY: I'll think about it, Elwood. Okay?
=====
Hotel
=====
[Crowd clapping impatiently.]
=====================
Arriving for the show
=====================
JAKE: [Congested] My head hurts. That Night Train's a mean
wine.
ELWOOD: You better get bright pal, then we gotta work out a way to
get the tax money to the Cook County Assessors office as
soon as they open in the morning.
=====================
Palace Hotel Ballroom
=====================
CROWD: We want the show.
CURTIS: Anyone know Minnie The Moocher?
MURPH: No, but I once knew a hooker named Minnie Mazola.
CURTIS: No, the song "Minnie the Moocher."
[song "Minnie the Moocher"]
===================
Outside Hotel by RV
===================
ELWOOD: This is glue. Strong stuff.
=====
Hotel
=====
[Jake and Elwood run through the ladies bathroom.]
[Some dialogue to the effect of "let's get 'em." "No.
I haven't heard these guys play, okay?"]
JOHN CANDY: Who wants an Orange Whip?
[pointing] Orange Whip?
[pointing] Orange Whip?
[doing the infamous hand gesture]
Three Orange Whips.
[An Orange Whip is like an Orange Julius. There's also Pina
Colada Whip. No alcohol in either.]
ELWOOD: We're so glad to see so many of you lovely people here
tonight; and we would especially like to welcome all the
representatives of Illinois law enforcement community, who
have chosen to join us here in the Palace Hotel Ballroom
at this time. We do sincerely hope you all enjoy the
show, and please remember people that no matter who you
are and what you do to live, thrive and survive, there are
still somethings that make us all the same - you, me,
them, everybody. Everybody.
[songs "Everybody Needs Somebody" and "Sweet Home Chicago"]
========
Bullshit
========
["Gentlemen, I don't bullshit" scene is absent]
======
Tunnel
======
ELWOOD: Who _is_ that girl?
CARRIE: Well, Jake. You look just fine down there, slithering in
the mud like vermin.
JAKE: [to Elwood] No problem.
CARRIE: You're not gonna get away from me this time.
[More shooting]
[Jake gives Elwood a reassuring look and stands]
JAKE: It's good to see you, sweetheart.
CARRIE: You contemptible pig! I remained celibate for you.
stood at the back of a cathedral waiting, in celibacy, for
you with three hundred friends and relatives in
attendance. My uncle hired the best Romanian caterers in
the state. To obtain the seven limousines for the wedding
party, my father used up his last favors with Mad Pete
Trullo.
So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my
uncle, and the common good, I must now kill you. And your
brother.
JAKE: Oh, Please don't kill us! Please, please, don't kill us!
You know I love you, baby. I wouldn't leave you. It
wasn't my fault!
CARRIE: You miserable slug. You think you can talk your way out
of this? You betrayed me!
JAKE: No, I didn't. Honest. I ran out of gas! I had a flat
tire! I didn't have enough money for cab fare! My tux
didn't come back from the cleaners! An old friend came in
from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an
earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY
FAULT I SWEAR TO GOD!!!
[Jake takes off his glasses and makes eyes at Carrie.]
CARRIE: Oh, Jake. Jake, honey.
[They kiss.]
JAKE: [to Elwood] Let's go.
[Jake drops Carrie.]
ELWOOD: [to Carrie, tipping his hat] Take it easy!
ELWOOD: It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas,
half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing
sunglasses.
JAKE: Hit it.
==========================
Chase scene from the hotel
==========================
[When Bob drove the Winnebago into the river]
MCELR: [To Bob] Don't you say a f**kin' word.
=====
Motel
=====
[Twiggy waiting for Elwood.]
==================
Police Road Blocks
==================
COP: 1974 Dodge sedan.
[Nazi monitoring cop channel]
ELWOOD: Jake, wake up, I gotta pull over.
COP: Southbound on state four seven.
[Police car smashes into truck]
JOHN CANDY: Hi, wanna hand me the mike?
This is car [to officer] What car is this?
COP: Five Five.
JOHN CANDY: This is car 55; we're in a truck, he he he.
DISPATCHER: The use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of the
Blues Brothers has been approved.
[They're going 118 mph.]
========================
The big chase scene (tm)
========================
NAZI: Sir, I have always loved you.
JAKE: What the fuck was that?
ELWOOD: The motor-- I think we blew a rod.
JAKE: Is that serious?
ELWOOD: Yup.
ELWOOD: This is definitely Lower Wacker Drive. We should soon be
coming upon the Honorable Richard J. Daley Plaza.
JAKE: That's where they got that 'Picasso', isn't it?
ELWOOD: Yup.
SWAT: "Hut, Hut, Hut, Hut, Hut, Hut."
[into courthouse]
Let's go.
[sign says "Back in 5 minutes."]
[Steven Spielberg returns]
STEVEN: Can I help you?
ELWOOD: This money is for the year's assessment on the St. Helen
of the Blessed Shroud Orphanage, Caliamed City Illinois.
JAKE: 5,000 bucks - it's all there pal.
STEVEN: And here is your receipt.
[handcuffs and hundreds of M-16's cocking]
=========
Jailhouse
=========
[Joe Walsh is the first prisoner that jumps up on the table in
the closing Jailhouse Rock scene.]
[sign says: "It's never too late to mend."]
[song: Jailhouse Rock]
29 May 95